19 Things Women Are Begging Men To Please, Please, Pleaseeeeeee Understand In The Bedroom
Reddit user TimeAd1111 recently asked, “Women of Reddit, what is one thing you wish men understood or did better during sex? Why?” The ladies did not hold back (thank god)! Here are some tips they were gracious enough to share:
1. “Be vocal when in the act. We like to hear the moans.”
“So much this! I told my boyfriend he should be more vocal, and he was like, ‘But men don’t moan.’ I told him that a lot of women like it, and the reason men don’t moan in porn is that it is made for cis-men that don’t want to hear other men. For women, it is such a turn-on.”
2. “Thinking of foreplay as foreplay is where you’re going wrong. Penis-centered sex is very boring when you…don’t have a penis???? Lol, it sucks that most things that are enjoyable for women are viewed as optional. Also, pain during sex is a fact of life for a lot of women, while it never even comes up for most men. Giving your partner time to warm up and become aroused isn’t only for pleasure; it can help her avoid pain. Taking your time is really a win-win.”
3. “I wish my boyfriend would look me in the eyes during sex. If he sees me looking at him, he closes his eyes. I love everything about him and want to feel that connection.”
4. “That sensual is much MUCH better than rough! The clit is not a doorbell.”
5. “Either rub the clit or insert a finger. Rubbing in the area between there is basically you smooshing the peehole, and it doesn’t feel good. Learn basic anatomy.”
6. “Foreplay, communication, and responsiveness matter more than performance or speed, because feeling heard and genuinely desired is what actually makes sex great.”
“This is a big one. Some guys seemed genuinely insulted when I told them that a minute-long make-out isn’t enough to turn me on. Talk, have banter, touch, literally spend time with one another. Have a night to lead up to it; make dinner together while being in close contact. It’s wanting to be close to your partner that makes sex great, not just wanting to get it on for the sake of it.”
7. “Honestly, don’t make EVERYTHING outside of sex about sex. I had a boyfriend that slapped my ass hard EVERY time I walked by him. At first, it was flirty and fun, but after moving in with him and having it done every time, it killed the mood and made me feel like an object. If he asked me to get something, the second I got up, it was an ass slap. Trying to rip my clothes off the second I put on a nice outfit gets old fast. I don’t want you messing up my hair/makeup/outfit after it took me so long to get ready. Every fucking time.”
“He was also making dirty jokes literally at every opportunity. Dirty jokes are fun, but when it’s literally all the time, it makes it seem like it’s the only thing you think about. Then, the dreaded ‘going in dry.’ He’d kiss me once and think that was enough because HE was already turned on and would just try to stick it in after ONE FUCKING KISS. If I didn’t take a shower for ONE day, he’d get super upset at me because he didn’t want to have sex with someone who hadn’t showered yet. I started not showering on purpose so that he wouldn’t touch me.
All of this really killed our once amazing sex life. I had ZERO attraction to him by the end. I’m a person, not a sex doll. It’s okay to mix in flirty and dirty behavior, but when it’s the only thing, sex on the mind ALL THE TIME, it’s easy to feel like that’s the only reason they spend time with you. So, I guess, show your partner that you value her outside of sex, and the actual sex will be way more enthusiastic and just better in general. This applies to any gender. People are people and want to feel valued outside of an instinctual act, and that will make the instinctual act (sex) way better.”
8. “What works for their ex doesn’t always work on the new girl. If we say something doesn’t work for us, BURN THAT INTO YOUR MEMORY.”
9. “Understanding the differences between slower, faster, softer, and harder. If I say harder, I don’t mean faster. When I say slower, I don’t mean softer. PLEASE! Sometimes the best stuff is hard and slow thrusts or fast and soft rubbing!”
10. “Be less genital-centric. Touch our whole body. When was the last time you kissed your partner’s butt and the back of their thighs? That’s why sapphic sex is so good.”
11. “Up your game. Listen to some of the sexy time books ladies like to listen to and learn.”
12. “It’s not always imperative to make me orgasm. Sure, that would be great, but if you’re making it your life mission in the bedroom and getting performance anxiety, maybe stop pressuring things for yourself and go with the flow, and what happens, happens. Also, a small extra point: Most emotionally mature and caring women are not going to be upset if you have performance issues or make a big deal out of it. You’re making it a big deal for yourself, and it’s not making it better. I’m a woman who has had sexual dysfunction, and I know what it’s like to be shamed for that.”
13. “If you love your girlfriend/wife/partner, or just plain want to ensure you have good sex with the woman you’re having sex with, ASK HER WHAT SHE LIKES and then DO THAT.”
14. “Aftercare is a must. It’s almost, if not more important, than sex itself. You can go fetch water for us or use the bathroom, but I want cuddles afterward. I don’t care. Don’t go back to your video games before I’ve been snuggled.”
“The aftercare. The cleaning and some affection. It’s nice to still feel wanted afterwards. Instead of them just rolling over and not caring.”
15. “I don’t understand why men often think the faster the better. Usually, the opposite is true, especially when it comes to things involving fingers.”
“Slower is better most of the time. You don’t have to be a machine.”
“You honestly don’t need to go so fast right from the get. Ease into it, omg.”
16. “Honestly, I wish more men understood that enthusiasm beats technique almost every time. Like, you can be doing the ‘right’ thing technically, but if it feels rushed or like you’re just trying to get to the finish line, it kind of kills it. I want to feel wanted, not serviced, if that makes sense. Yeah, that includes foreplay, but also how you act before the clothes even come off. And talk, please — not a TED talk, just check in or react in the moment. Silence and jackhammering are a wild combination that somehow keeps happening. Also, a small thing, but don’t assume that faster or harder equals better; it usually doesn’t. Once something feels good, don’t immediately switch it up because you think you should. And, I don’t know why, but some guys act like asking what we like ruins the mood when it actually saves it.”
17. “It’s fine if he needs a moment to find a technique that actually feels good for me during foreplay, but if I then shift my body to get his fingers to where I need them and he moves even further away? So frustrating. And I’m aware that I should just use my words, but most men who don’t already know exactly what to do are so insecure about it that they react very negatively to being verbally instructed (not that I don’t try). Men, no reasonable partner will judge you for inexperience; they will, however, judge you for trying to seem experienced when you aren’t, or for insisting that you know what feels good for us when you obviously don’t. There’s no shame in asking, either.”
18. “Clip and file your nails, boys. Make it nice and smooth, always.”
19. And: “Caring about a woman’s pleasure isn’t just about making her orgasm; it’s about helping her throughout the day and genuinely caring about her. It’s pointless to bother her or give her trouble all day and then want to sleep with her at the end of the day.”
“Things outside of sex matter and play a huge role in a healthy sex life. It helps when you show that you genuinely like us during the moments that aren’t sexual. Affection shouldn’t only happen when you want sex.”
