Recently, I came across this Reddit thread asking, “What’s something sexy in theory but not in practice?” and a lottttt of good points were made.
Here are the most interesting ones:
1. “Standing 69. I thought it would be great and it would give me a chance to impress my wife, but after a little while, I got dizzy and had to ask her to put me down.”
2. “Using food during sexy time. When my wife and I were drunk teenagers, we were horny and eating a Taco Bell nacho supreme. I said something funny. She laughed, then tried to make out with me. To this day, it is our most memorable WORST French kiss ever.”
“Whipped cream is sexy at first, until you miss a spot, and you both just feel super sticky until you shower.”
—Kylargrim
3. “Making a sex tape. Then you see yourself in 1080p.”
—bel113345
4. “Sex on a beach.”
“Sand everywhere… so many places… like for months.”
—melsa_alm
“It’s coarse and rough and irritating — and it gets everywhere.”
5. “Sex in a car backseat sounds more exciting until you try it and find it’s terrible.”
—markydsade
“I boinked my high school girlfriend hundreds of times in the backseat of my mom’s station wagon. Then one time, my parents finally went somewhere, leaving the house open, and I had sex in a real bed. This was 30+ years ago, and I still remember how much better that was.”
—toabear
6. “Drawing someone naked. It’s always presented as this sexy, flirtatious thing. It isn’t. It’s stressful; you don’t even see the person you’re drawing as a living, breathing human anymore. You’re focused on not messing up your lines so you don’t have to start all over again, because being that still is hard in clothes, let alone naked, and the model wouldn’t and shouldn’t go over the time limit set. And it doesn’t matter if you’re in a room with a bunch of other people drawing the naked model, or it’s a 1-1 session. It’s never sexy.”
—Animajation
7. “I asked a guy to spit in my mouth, and it was an immediate no. So hot in my mind but eugh.”
8. “Sharing showers is just taking turns being cold.”
“Shower sex. I’ve tried every angle, different people, in the water, out of the water, etc., it’s not hot. It’s a death trap, and it washes away any natural lubrication. 0/10.”
9. “A striptease. It’s goofy. I’m going to laugh, I’ll kill the mood LOL.”
—GreeneyedWit
10. “Doing it on tables or counters. Those surfaces are just hard and uncomfortable. And the wrong height for most people. I don’t want to go find a stool so I can be tall enough, dammit. Let’s just go to the bed or couch where it’s soft and reasonable height.”
11. “My first ever girlfriend said that scissoring was very, very good. It was not, or maybe my legs weren’t right, but I didn’t feel much of anything. So, we gave up.”
12. “Those tingly sex lotions. Stuff gave me a rash once, and the other time it made my entire chest and stomach itch for hours.”
—jammer8
13. “Face f*cking. Vomited my whole plate of tacos once, not fun. Plus all those boogers running and spitting all over my hair and seeping into my eyes. Yuck.”
14. “Spontaneous anal!!!! As an ex-girlfriend later explained to me, there is a lot of planning and preparation involved.”
—jammer8
15. “Really big dicks.”
“Totally. NOT FUN. ONLY PAINFUL. Keep those things the hell away from me.”
16. “Sucking on someone’s toes. I’ve seen it so many times in movies, but I just find it awkward.”
17. “Riding a man’s face! It’s so itchy.”
“I also feel like I have to support my weight in a weird way. I can’t get into it because I’m too focused on not being too heavy.”
18. And finally, “Threesomes. Someone always gets jealous. No one ever talks about the lead-up or the after part. It gets really awkward.”
—MDVAME
