1. “When I rolled him over to get on top, he accidentally tossed me out of bed, and I broke the fall with my head. I heard the loudest pop in my neck ever. Once I realized I wasn’t paralyzed (thank GOD), I sat up, my eyes rolled back in my head, and I blacked out. He rushed me to the hospital, and 13 hours later, they let me go home…moderate concussion.”
2. “This happened to my friend. He went to this woman’s place, and she said she was really kinky. He was okay with that; he thought maybe she was into a little bit of pain, biting, hair pulling, and stuff like that. That wasn’t the case, though. She handed him a diaper, asked him to put it on and go down on her. He did it.”
—u/anonymous
3. “I met this cute guy on OKCupid and we got together. Dinner conversation is great, and I took him back to my place. The sex was fantastic. Afterwards, he stretched out sleepily and said, ‘Oh wow, I’m suddenly sooo tired,’ and cracked an eyelid to gauge my reaction. I was like ‘Absolutely not. I’m driving you to the train station, and we can chat tomorrow if you want.’ Well, he called the next day and asked if I wanted to be referred to as his girlfriend, partner, or something else. I said ‘Oh, let’s pump the brakes. I had a great time, but maybe another date first before we talk about anything like that?'”
“He agreed, and we proceeded to have a perfectly normal conversation. Then he called back a few hours later, hysterically sobbing and screaming that he knew he would be too much for me, and I can’t handle him, and I’m going to leave him. At this point, I’m sufficiently freaked out and pull the plug. I thought that was the end of it, but guess what? He called again SIX MONTHS LATER as if nothing had happened, and told me he’s moving to Queens, and maybe we should try again, as if the distance of him being in Brooklyn was the problem.”
—Anonymous
4. “I had a crush on this guy forever, and he finally asked me out. He picked me up and we eventually ended up back at his house (actually his parents’ house because he still lived with them). One thing led to another, and we hooked up. Immediately after we finished, his parents came home! He hid me in his closet, and once he realized he couldn’t sneak me out through the house, he made me climb out his window, scale a fence, and meet him down the street. The ride home was silent. I never called him or answered his calls again. Oh, did I mention we were 17 and this was my first time having sex?!”
—Anonymous
5. “Bartending and hit it off with one of the most attractive men I’ve met in my life. He lived half a block away. My best friend was a very protective man, and made 100% sure I wanted to go home with him. I did, and it was phenomenal. The next morning, he took me home. While I wasn’t paying àttention, he stole my phone and jewelry. He then racked up $400 in international calls. Turns out it wasn’t even his apartment…he was a hired house sitter from New York. Still almost worth it.”
—Anonymous
6. “This was a Grindr hookup. He brought round nettles (the plant) and asked me to sting him on his penis.”
7. “I had a one-night stand with a reasonably famous Estonian pop star. After sex, she ate so much sushi she threw up in her bed…with me in it.”
8. “I went home with a guy who didn’t tell me he lived with his grandma. Twice I went for a pee in the night, naked, and the second time I realised she was sitting in the living room. She asked me very gently to stop leaving the bathroom door open afterwards, because the dogs kept getting in there!”
9. “There was this guy who asked me to bite his shaft ‘hamburger style.’ Disturbing.”
10. “She knew she was already pregnant and tried to pin it on me a week later.”
11. “My friend picked up a woman at the bar, brought her home, and had a great evening. When he woke up, she was dead. Apparently, she had a heart condition that was aggravated by alcohol, and she was intermittent at remembering her medication at best.”
12. “I met a hot, muscly Italian Guido guy at the bar and ended up at his house. It was amazing, perfect chemistry, but the next morning, I had horrible cramps, and I gave birth to my IUD on his bed, which he accidentally moved out of place during penetration.”
13. “We had a gap of 25 years. He said I looked like his mother, and he wanted me to call his name like his mom does when we do it. Nope, nope. Not a chance.”
14. “I used to do stand-up and lived in an apartment next to one of the places I’d do open mics. I picked up a guy after the show and brought him home with me. We fooled around, and he got up to leave. I said bye and stayed in bed. A minute or two later, I still didn’t hear my door close, but I did hear rummaging in my living room. I walked out, and he was standing there holding my PS3 in his hands, frozen like a deer in headlights. I asked, ‘Are you stealing my PlayStation?’ He said ‘No,’ then set it on the floor in the middle of my living room and left.”
15. “I hooked up with a woman, and the next day, I had to go to work, so I wrote a note and put my spare key on it next to the bed, hoping she would be gone when I got back. She was still there, and she had invited friends over for a party. I shut that crap down so fast and kicked them all out. Never saw that woman again.”
16. And finally, “In college, I went home with a guy I met in a bar. I got up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom. I found my way back to bed and went to sleep. Morning came, and I rolled over to look at the guy, only to see someone totally different. I had gone to the wrong room. The person I was in bed with had earplugs and was wearing a sleep mask. He was also in PJs while I was still nude. I tried to roll over and sneak out, but he woke up. I was just standing there, fully naked, with him staring at me in confusion. We have now been married for almost ten years and have two amazing kids.”
—Anonymous
