“When my wife and I first got together, it seemed that every time we moved, I was on her hair. After a while, I learned how to work it, but nothing killed the mood like, ‘Mmhhmm, yeah…ow! Ow! Ow! My hair!’ You never see that in movies.”
I think most of us would agree that sex is one of life’s greatest pleasures, but that’s not to say it doesn’t come (heh-heh) without its issues.
Recently, Reddit user ifkingdc posed this question to the AskReddit community: “What’s something about sex in movies or porn that you wish was actually true?” The answers really make you realize how weird, messy, and funny sex can often be:
1. “Shower sex being as hot as it looks.”
2. “How people just stay in bed after they’re done, no waddling to the bathroom.”
3. “The way every woman is instantly ready to put it in and go straight to full rabbit sex with precisely zero issues. No need for any kind of lube or foreplay. I can’t speak for everyone, but in my experience, that ain’t happening.”
5. “When anal sex is portrayed, it’s always spur of the moment, and there’s no preparation shown at all. If only that were true in reality. At the very least, it takes a good 20-30 minutes to prepare unless you want to risk a mess. They also just get right to it and forgo any warmup whatsoever.”
6. “Perfect makeup afterward.”
7. “The body doing what it’s gonna do, farting, dying of thirst, munchies. Also, lying there awkwardly while they wipe the cum off your back. And if they have pubes, pulling hair out of your mouth.”
8. “Every position being pleasurable to both people.”
9. “How easy it is for women to finish. And usually, it’s not from oral or hands. They’ll show the couple having missionary, and everyone’s hands are visible, yet she appears to very gently climax. Not a vibrator in sight.”
—u/roskybosky
10. “NO REFRACTION TIME!”
—u/Welingming7
11. “That hot straight guys are willing to have gay sex for a multitude of reasons.”
12. “That nobody has to ask where to finish.”
13. “Hair. When my wife and I first got together, it seemed that every time we moved, I was on her hair. After a while, I learned how to work it, but goddamn, nothing killed the mood like, ‘Mmhhmm, yeah…ow! Ow! Ow! My hair!’ You never see that in movies.”
14. “Being able to stay rock hard the entire time until your partner is ready.”
15. “I wish face-to-face sex against the wall worked as well as it does in the movies, because it’s hot.”
16. “That my hot neighbor senses I’m stressed and just wants to give me a massage, ya know, for my stress.”
—u/Calm-Ad7913
17. “The part where nobody ever stops mid-action from cramping up, losing balance, or accidentally kneeing someone in the face.”
18. “The instant cut from being in the mood in a public place to being in the bedroom. Like, no awkward drive home while trying to stay in the moment, or having to wait for a server to bring a check. Just make the sexy eyes at your partner across the room, and BOOM, you’re in the bedroom ripping each other’s clothes off.”
19. “That cleanup is magically never an issue.”
20. “Nobody has STIs. You can hook up with a person you just met, and you never have to get checked for anything, even if you didn’t use a condom.”
—u/rue_Falsity
21. “Everyone has great skin, teeth, and bodies in general. Seriously, no matter what your job is, everyone is in great shape. Also, the parks and other public areas are always clean enough that you can have sex there. No need to worry about stepping on some dog’s shit or broken glass.”
22. And finally, “That you can get a plumber to your house so fucking easily.”
Anything you didn’t see mentioned here that you’d like to add to the list? Tell me in the comments, or fill out the anonymous form below! Your response could be featured in a future BuzzFeed post.
Note: Responses have been edited for length/clarity.
